The Breastfeeding Advice That Made Me Doubt Myself as a New Mom

May 29, 2026

By Ece Filiz, Founder of Idaho Jones

A personal essay on trusting yourself in early motherhood.

When I had my first baby, I expected breastfeeding to come with a learning curve.

What I didn't expect was how many people would have opinions about it.

Some of that advice was helpful. Much of it was well-intentioned. But some of it quietly chipped away at my confidence and made me doubt both my baby and myself.

Looking back, I can see that many of the things I was told weren't supported by evidence. At the time, though, I was a sleep-deprived new mom desperately trying to do the right thing.

I followed advice that felt wrong in my body because I assumed everyone else knew better than I did.

"If she's not sleeping, she's hungry."

This one got me early.

Every wake-up felt like a report card on my breastfeeding.

If my daughter woke frequently at night, I worried that my milk wasn't enough. If she wanted to nurse again soon after a feed, I wondered whether she had gotten enough milk the first time.

Instead of seeing waking as normal infant behavior, I saw it as evidence that something was wrong.

The result was a constant low-level anxiety that I wasn't producing enough milk.

"Maybe your milk isn't filling enough."

I heard variations of this countless times.

The implication was always the same: if my baby was waking, fussing, cluster feeding, or wanting to be held, then breast milk must somehow be the problem.

This advice was particularly damaging because it made me question my body.

Many normal infant behaviors suddenly became proof that I wasn't doing enough.

In reality, babies nurse for many reasons. Hunger is one of them. Comfort, connection, regulation, growth spurts, and developmental changes are others.

"Stretch the time between feeds."

I remember watching the clock.

My baby would start rooting or fussing, and I'd think, "It has only been an hour."

Surely she couldn't be hungry already.

So I'd try to distract her. Walk her around. Bounce her. Delay the feed.

What I wish I understood then is that babies aren't robots. They don't eat on perfectly predictable schedules. Some days they feed more frequently. Some days less.

By focusing on the clock, I stopped paying attention to the person who was actually giving me the information I needed: my baby.

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"Don't let her fall asleep nursing."

This advice caused me so much unnecessary stress.

I was told that nursing to sleep would create bad habits and make it impossible for my baby to learn independent sleep.

So I tried not to do it.

Instead, I spent hours rocking, bouncing, pacing, and shushing.

Both of us were exhausted.

Looking back, I laugh a little at the irony. My baby had already found a way to fall asleep. I was the one interrupting it.

For many babies, nursing to sleep is completely normal. Feeding and sleep are biologically linked. Yet I spent months feeling guilty about something that was working.

"You're feeding too often."

This one made me second-guess every feeding decision.

Breastfed babies often feed frequently. Breast milk digests quickly. Cluster feeding is normal. Growth spurts are normal.

But when someone tells you that you're feeding too often, it's easy to start believing you're creating a problem.

I spent too much time wondering whether I should be feeding less and not enough time appreciating that my baby was simply behaving like a baby.

What I wish I knew

Looking back, the biggest problem wasn't any individual piece of advice.

The problem was that all of it slowly eroded my confidence.

I started trusting other people's opinions more than my own observations.

I stopped trusting my instincts.

I stopped trusting my baby.

And I stopped trusting my body.

What I wish I could tell my first-time-mom self is this:

Your baby isn't broken.

Your milk isn't the problem.

And you don't need to fix normal newborn behavior.

The support I wish I'd had

I also wish I had connected with a knowledgeable lactation consultant sooner.

Not because breastfeeding was failing.

Not because I needed someone to tell me exactly what to do.

But because I needed someone who could help me separate evidence-based information from well-meaning but outdated advice.

A good lactation consultant doesn't just help you feed your baby.

They help you trust yourself again.

They give you confidence to say:

"Thank you for the advice, but we're doing it this way."

That confidence is invaluable.

From the Idaho Jones line

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